As I’m writing this at the beginning of the second week in January, it makes a lot of sense that conversation has been about progress in motion. The “messy middle” came up twice – once during a networking event chat, where I was asked to talk about strategic growth, and another time in a coaching conversation with a client. To me, there’s an undeniable authenticity that is experienced when we encounter each other as works in progress.
Seeing “how the sausage is made”, or “peeking behind the curtain” can feel off-putting, or create disillusionment. Yet for those of us who embrace the constant change and imperfections of life, seeing it affirms that we’re not alone or flawed. Not only that, but we’re also afforded the opportunity to gain insight about otherwise unknown options.
“We all need somebody to lean on.”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers
With regards to my discussion on strategic growth, the context I offered around the “messy middle” was how in the midst of openly learning something, we ultimately share knowledge with others. Essentially, we leave breadcrumbs as we traverse along a new trail. Just because we’re not sure what terrain lies ahead, doesn’t mean we can’t assure those wandering behind us that they are, in fact, on a path. It’s up for them to decide if it’s the one they want to be on. In other words, we provide people who encounter us in this phase of growth, a little bit more context than we had going in.
There’s an additional benefit to the humility of showing up as a rough draft, which is the reciprocal knowledge we receive. As a fellow, unpolished person, we present ourselves in a way that is approachable. Leading to conversation that is actually very likely to be mutually beneficial. While we help others who are trying not to spin their wheels, we in turn receive help. It’s almost a type of “divide and conquer.” Afterall, it’s been said that true intelligence is in knowing how little we actually know.
“There’s an endless road to rediscover.”
- Hey Brother, Avicii
Conversations with others at different phases of their own experiences in business, relationships, health and more have the potential to teach us what we don’t know, or that we haven’t even thought about. It’s also been said that for every answer, several more questions arise. Having individuals and communities comprised of others still in transit, creates a repository of knowledge. Connecting us each to answers for the seemingly endless string of questions that life has to offer.
“Just try your best. Try everything you can.”
- The Middle, Jimmy Eat World
While in conversation with a client, the notion that we’re always in progress presented. The only constant is change. That the only way out is through, and that oftentimes we don’t know the way out because we aren’t aware of what options are at our disposal. Sometimes a situation calls for reinventing the wheel, while others call for using it as is. Experiencing others who live by trial and error, gives us permission to do the same. To take what serves and leave the rest. Which in my view is the best way to determine alignment.
It’s my life, I don’t want to just take someone else’s word for what I “should” do. If a method or system has any hope of lasting and becoming an integral part to our objectives, we need to be invested in it and identify with it on a personal level. On a self-trust level. That only comes when we have the chance to explore systems and strategies for ourselves – if we are even afforded the chance to know of them.
“Trying to make some sense of it all.”
- Stuck in the Middle With You, Stealers Wheel
Sure, the “before and after” offer us an ego boost – at least I’m farther along than that – and inspiration – I definitely want to get there. But it’s the “messy middle” that creates the momentum and sustainable shifts which help us arrive at our chosen destinations. The affirmations that come when we see the others alongside us in the trenches, when we veer off track of a goal, or find out that there are more barriers ahead of us than we realized, can be the experiences that remind us why we’re seeking something at all.
“Staring at the blank page before you”
- Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield
Nothing exists in isolation. Not us. Not our growth. Not our struggles. Yet we become so fixated on detaching the outcomes from the efforts that led to them. That to show the raw canvas with its ill-formed outlines and initial hints of detail would detract from the awe of the finished masterpiece.
Personally, I don’t think the magic is destroyed when you know how it’s achieved. If anything, I think it creates more to appreciate, respect and aspire to. With context that shows what is possible. Marcus Aurelius said it better. “If a thing is difficult to be accomplished by thyself, do not think that it is impossible for man: but if anything is possible for man and conformable to his nature, think that this can be attained by thyself too.”
“You can’t be everything you want to be before your time”
- Vienna, Billy Joel
When I was a kid, my Dad got a motorcycle. I would hang out with him in the garage while he tinkered on various things to optimize and improve performance aspects to his liking, and lent a hand here and there. I was enamored not just by the mechanical components themselves – truly, mechanical timing is a marvel. I was even more captivated by the minds that set the intention, to find a way to use pressurized combustion to propel an object forward, and then devised these complex, elegant machines that made it happen. A simple notion, leading to new industries and scientific discoveries, leading to even more progress and change.
A gearbox has the fundamental aim of converting power into motion. A cracked open one isn’t pretty, and it doesn’t work laying in pieces on the shop floor. But if your aim is to employ it or to improve on it, understanding what it is, why it works, and how to keep it working are guaranteed to aid your objective of gaining momentum in any direction. And the ideal way to gain all of that insight, is to get a little messy.
